The Night I Loved You — An Erotic Awakening (Muse of Shadow)

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Your darkest hidden versions of self to achieve and realise your full potential wholeness. You must experience this darkness in some form no matter what.


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The oscillating, moving, ever changing is the rhythm of the feminine self. The dance of Shakti as we call it in Tantra. It is not constant nor always predictable, with both phases needing to be seen, honoured and revered. You are awakening to the understanding that while you may spend much time above in what seems like light, to balance this time here in the dark the solitude has come. You have journeyed here to the Underworld knowing it is a time of going within. Use this time now as an exploration of the importance of your life-enhancing circle of evolution, like a wheel of night and day or of the seasons.

In order for there to be rebirth there must first be death. You must surrender these dark parts, allowing them to be discarded so you can be reborn. You have gone through this evolutionary wheel numerous times throughout your life, making sacrifices at each cycle. Your soul feels it has been here many lifetimes before and likely times still to come.

You know that the above is sacrificed to venture below so the soul connection can take place. So you will be reborn, awakened as you find your inner courage and strength. This time and every other visit you make to the Underworld you will approach the piercing eyes of the Dark Mother Goddess differently.

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Sometimes you will face her head on, courageously and with the will of a warrior, — other times with humble, submission. This will change depending on where you are along the Path and what you have in the Underworld to learn. Sometimes call for the lesson of submission, sacrifice and humility, other times call for courage of heart and mustering inner fortitude, to confront what challenges have arisen which seem unconquerable from where you stand today.

Go within and embrace this visualisation: Look deep into the all seeing eyes of the Dark Mother Goddess now as she stands unwavering before you. Let her eyes be portals for you to scry and see into your deepest self, let her show you what you need to be shown most now. Withhold judgment and allow the visions, symbols, signs, songs, and sadness, or whatever it is that need come forth to you be seen. Let it be seen. Watch and listen.

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As the initiate you now begin to notice your very being, your entire self in a deep meditation, you are imagining, sensing, seeing, and feeling all that the Dark Mother Goddess is showing you — let her and the experience take you where you need go…. You may sense you are losing everything.

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Your relationships, career, passion, direction, health, wealth, faith, motivation and enthusiasm, clarity, or not feeling anything at all may be what arises. This primal suffering is the catalyst to lead to your sacrifice of activity. What is the Dark Mother Goddess telling you to sacrifice? What is she asking you to confront and shed? What are you doing or have you done that is needing to be felt deeply now and then let go of?

Flow with this. Let the journey she takes you on lead you as far and wide, as deep and down below as you can and need to go. You may feel as though you are barely surviving this internal pain. This Dark Night of the Soul as it is also called can only be endured as long as an act of Divine grace arrives with new wisdom for you, and it will — be that as you navigate this all alone, with the help of that which is greater than you and you believe in or, with the guidance of a trusted practitioner.

Eventually, you will be ready to raise yourself higher to what you choose to feel, embrace, be. Then you will welcome a new rebirth and a veil lifted, to reveal another layer of illumination to you. The Dark Mother Goddess fills you with feminine, yin strength, she allows you your own sense of wholeness, unto yourself as a separate individual — not dependent on another; man or child.

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She allows you to stand in your own power of Yes and No. Strong standing, able to negate, and firmly grounded. You can destroy or create, and you know this powerful source is radiating from within. You no longer seek validation; not from outside or by making a friendship, experience, circumstance or space friendly to gain support or appease for reward.

From this place of inner strength, you feel greater connection to your true self. You are able to receive another into your own sovereign vessel, your body temple, when and if you choose. In this descent you are now witness of what has been repressed in the Divine Feminine. You are able to look beyond the fantasy, glamours and illusion of what the masculine side has been seen to be. This descent allows you to be broken wide open, so you now call for the new to be alchemised. You have broken away and broken down to break through reborn.

You now know you need to go back into yourself. Back into the Underworld to know your true self. To let go of inadequacies, disconnection of body, mind and soul, and find the resilient feminine within, the balanced yin-yang. It is in your coming back to the tomb and womb of the underworld, in shedding your identification and defences against the soul, going to what feels like devastating lengths of a primal and emotional level to learn that once you arrive, how will you survive in a different way?

How to live in the world but not of the world? How to walk the path on the edge of here and there, the created masculine world of consumerism, form and status with the inner feminine world of harmonised truth, beauty and love. How do these combine for you to bring you closer to your Soul and Spirit in Light?

This may take a long time for you or it may come with ease. Each time you descend it may be entirely different. By seeing, sensing, feeling and knowing your primal being from a new perspective you have overcome the great round battle, the warfare inside of yourself and inside everyone.

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The physical body feels lethargic and without any energy as the war inside rages on until the death of the old personality ego patterns and false identifications, make new clearing for the birth of your inner truth, your authentic self to lead the way. Having confronted the Dark Mother Goddess, your inner ego self, you are ignited now to go forth. To do creative work in whichever form this takes for you.

Perhaps dance and improvisations of body that are not usual to your way of being will assist the shift. You may need nurturing, touch and permission in connection with the ego as its beautiful illusion dies away, rots and submits to the destructive-transformation taking place.

Rebirthed, you have a re-illuminated consciousness; you have shed your old identities, reduced to primal ways, and been reborn. YOU have to come here, down to the belly of the Underworld to learn to abandon old patterns, feelings and emotions, and turn to true nourishing and self-validating sources. You can now see the wasted focus you one place on the wrong source.

Now you know they never can. Relationships with beloveds can hurt the most at this time.

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For each knows the other and is able to open the wounds. To develop, you find yourself choosing intimate relationships which help you face your most complex and painful parts. Equality is essential for intimacy to flourish — to speak freely and not avoid or ignore, in fear of rising the Dark Mother Goddess in the other.

Speak with compassionate loving kindness and truth. Just as the god Shiva stands strong for goddess Shakti to dance around him in creative expression. Not only a mirroring voice but a voice of equal dignity. The feminine requires this adequate meeting. Standing strong and ready, open to receive passionate energy — feeling this respect for the energy, the woman can embody her higher self and the man can embrace and protect this, thus honouring his highest purpose.

Only after the full brunt of the dark Underworld is felt, met and claimed, can the passionate, harmonised meeting of women and men as equals take place. You are therefore required to stand your own. Hold your own value while being loving to the masculine as well as to your own depths of feminine essence. Be willing to suffer humanly, so the full spectrum of the Dark Mother Goddess and yourself will gain your inner harmony. This, however, is only one facet of the essential journey of the Heroic Goddess, one portion of the path you must choose to courageously undertake if you are to commit to awakening the Sacred Union Within.

Dark Nights of the Soul are continual at intervals on the Path. As you release more and more of what you are not, you will walk in closer alignment with that which you are. These times of darkness can be the most painful and excruciating, confusing and lonely. They are less often psychological crisis and more often spiritual crisis, which is inevitable if you commit to this way of life.

It is important you have someone to reach out to if you feel stuck in the darkness without the hint of any light.


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Reach out to a loved one or a trusted professional at this time to assist you in slowly coming back to the light with gentleness, love and wisdom if you are not yet strong enough to manage entirely alone. In time, the way of a Light Bearer requires you do this work entirely alone — that may already be you or, that may not be your calling in this life.

It does not matter where along the spectrum you stand presently. What is important is your wellbeing. LP Super! Spelling — Mazy Fly col. LP, Drug Church — Cheer col.